“Learning to Receive: Worthiness in the Wake of Grief“

“Never forget that you are worthy of love and happiness. Let no one or nothing convince you otherwise.”

– Leef Positief

There are moments in life — especially in the wake of loss — when the idea that we are worthy of good things can feel far away. When you're grieving, it’s not uncommon to question everything, including whether you still deserve joy, love, or peace.

I remember after losing someone dear to me, I felt suspended — like life was moving on without me. Simple things like laughter or opportunities that once excited me suddenly felt... off-limits. It wasn't that life stopped offering beauty. It was that I couldn’t accept it. I didn’t feel like I deserved to.

This resistance, I’ve since learned, is deeply human and incredibly common. Research shows that between 10-20% of bereaved people experience what’s known as “complicated grief,” a condition that makes it particularly difficult to find meaning, reconnect with life, and feel deserving of goodness again (Shear et al., 2011). But even those who don’t meet this clinical threshold often grapple with a deep sense of unworthiness in grief.

Many of us were conditioned—subtly or overtly—to associate our worth with behavior, achievement, or approval. Perhaps we were praised for being “good” or “helpful” or taught to earn love by performing or pleasing others. Over time, we internalized a belief: “I have to be a certain way to be worthy of receiving anything good.” This belief often runs quietly in the background of our lives, until grief strips everything away and reveals it.

Grief reactivates those beliefs. It disorients us, strips us bare, and exposes the tender places we’ve hidden—the parts that don’t believe we’re enough just as we are. According to a 2020 study by the National Institute for Health Research, nearly one in four grieving adults reported feeling unworthy of love and support from others. That’s nearly a quarter of people navigating loss who struggle to let themselves receive kindness, help, or even simple joys.

But what if grief itself is part of our unfolding worthiness? What if our tears, our silence, our slow healing… are all deserving of compassion and space? Imagine how different our healing might look if we allowed ourselves to receive love, support, and even moments of beauty—not because we’ve “earned” them, but because we’re human.

Tips for Reconnecting with Your Worth in Grief:

1. Start with self-kindness.
   Imagine how you’d treat a baby or small child who is hurting — with gentleness, patience, and no expectations. Offer that to yourself.  Research from the University of Texas suggests that practicing self-compassion can significantly reduce symptoms of grief and depression (Neff, 2003).

2. Notice resistance to joy.
   When something good happens — a moment of laughter, a kind gesture — do you shrink from it? Pause and say, “I receive this.” You don't need to feel ready. Just willing.

3. Remember: worth isn’t earned.
   You don’t have to “get over” grief to be lovable, or “do better” to be enough. You’re already worthy—even in your sorrow.

   Sometimes, in the rawness of loss, you might notice that certain people pull away. It can feel like abandonment or rejection, and it’s easy to internalize that as a sign of your unworthiness. But remember: people’s inability to show up for you often has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

   Some simply can’t bear the weight of your pain because it awakens something unhealed in themselves. Others may not know what to say, or may feel awkward or helpless. They might cover their discomfort with platitudes, advice, or even avoidance. It’s not a reflection of your worth—it’s a reflection of their own tender spots and limitations.

   As grief exposes the fragile parts of your heart, it may also reveal the tender or fragile places in the hearts of others. Their response—be it distance, discomfort, or even silence—speaks to their own fears, not your value.

   You are worthy of love and support even if some people cannot offer it. Their silence is not a verdict on your grief. You don’t need to change or hide your pain to be lovable. You are enough—exactly as you are.

4. Practice gratitude without pressure.
   Let gratitude flow naturally. It doesn't have to be forced or perfect. Saying “thank you” for one small thing can gently open the door to more receiving.

You are not here to earn love. You are love — even in your brokenness.

You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone, not even yourself.

As the poet Hafiz wrote:

“The place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you.”

So breathe. Cry. Receive. Repeat.
The beauty hasn’t stopped — and neither has your deserving.

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