“Helping Children Navigate Grief: Understanding, Supporting, and Healing”

Children are often the forgotten grievers.

– David Kessler

Helping Children Navigate Grief: Understanding, Supporting, and Healing

Grief is never easy, but for children, it can be especially complex. Their understanding of death changes as they grow, and their reactions often resurface at different stages—a process known as re-grief. Whether they’re facing the loss of a parent, sibling, grandparent, or even a pet, children need compassionate, age-appropriate support to help them process their emotions and feel safe again.

Children’s Understanding of Death by Age

  • Infants & Toddlers (0–3): Sense loss through routine changes and caregivers’ emotions but don’t understand death.

  • Preschoolers (3–5): May see death as reversible and blame themselves due to magical thinking.

  • School-age (6–12): Begin to grasp death’s permanence and may feel anger or fear about fairness.

  • Teens (13–18): Understand finality, often struggling with existential questions and intense emotions.

 Re-Grief: When Loss Resurfaces:

As children mature, their understanding of loss deepens. A young child who lost a parent may grieve again as a teen, realizing their parent won’t be present for milestones like prom or graduation. This is re-grief—a natural part of growing up after loss.

Factors That Shape a Child’s Grief:

Every child grieves differently, influenced by:

  • Relationship to the deceased

  • Suddenness or trauma of the death

  • Family coping styles

  • Support systems (friends, school, community)

  • Prior losses or traumatic experiences

Childhood Traumatic Grief:

If a child witnessed a death or it involved violence, their grief may be traumatic. Signs include intrusive thoughts, avoidance, or emotional numbness. Professional counseling is crucial to help them heal.

Special Considerations: The Death of a Sibling:

Losing a sibling can lead to complex emotions: guilt, fear of losing others, or feeling overlooked as parents grieve. Extra one-on-one time, open communication, and family rituals can help siblings feel secure again.

Explaining Death to a Child:

Talking to a child about death feels impossibly hard. You want to protect their innocence, yet you know honesty matters. The good news? Gentle, age-appropriate language can help children feel safe as they begin to make sense of loss.

  • Why Words Matter – Use clear age-appropriate language, simple, clear, yet comforting words. Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep” or “lost” (can create fear). Answer what they ask, don’t overload them with details.

  • Gentle Phrases by Age

    • It’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry.” “

    • You can ask me anything, and we can figure it out together.” “

    • “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk now, and it’s okay if you do.”

    • “I’m here whenever you need me.”

  • It’s okay to say “I don’t know, but we can wonder about it together.”

  • Reassure safety and stability “You’re safe. You’re loved. We’ll get through this as a family.”

Recommended Reading:

  • The Invisible String – Patrice Karst (3-7 year olds)

  • When Dinosaurs Die – Laurie Krasny Brown (4-7 year olds)

  • Sad Isn’t Bad – Michaelene Mundy (6+ year olds)

    💙 You don’t have to walk this alone. If you’re supporting a grieving child and aren’t sure where to start, let’s connect. Together we can create a gentle path forward. Schedule a complementary consultation today.

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“The Fine Line Between Solitude and Isolation in Grief: How to Navigate Both”